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Tom Ward.

I am a comedian in Melbourne, Australia.
I'll put stories, jokes, pictures and things into this blog regularly.

This lyric from the new Kanye/Jay Z album:

…run a bubble bath. And float in that motherfucker like a hovercraft…

is making me feel a lot cooler about this weird weekend retreat spa trip I’m going to with my girlfriend, mum and her boyfriend this weekend.

Not it’s not. It’s still weird.

Is it weird?

No, fuck you, it’s going to be hell luxurious and as long as I can’t see my mum anywhere I will pretend I’m Yeezy in bubblebath like a hovercraft.

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